Who We Once Were
by InTheCompanyOfDragons
Summary: Sam is struggling with what John said about having to save him or kill him, and Dean and Caleb are just trying to help. Onset. Brotherhood AU as written by Ridley.


Who We Once Were

Caleb walked into a scuzzy bar on the out skirts of Indiana and scanned the crowd, searching for a familiar face in a worn brown leather jacket. He spotted Dean where he assumed he would be, sitting in the back corner of the bar facing outward so he could survey every patron. Typical hunter behavior. No scratch that, typical Winchester behavior. Caleb slid into the booth across from his friend and waved the waitress over, getting a glass and pouring himself a drink from the bottle sitting on the table.

"I'm assuming you wouldn't be drinking away your sorrows if you hadn't of found Sam." Dean hunched further into himself, and took another drink refusing to make eye contact with his friend.

"Yeah… I found him last night… Gordon Walker tried to blow him up with a grenade, not a big fan of psychics." Caleb smirked.

"Yeah… I've heard he is charming like that. Would've appreciated a phone call when you found the Runt you know…" Dean snorted in response.

"Yeah Bobby has already lost it on me… I just had a lot on my mind…" Caleb could feel the emotions running of his friend, his psychic hotline was buzzing with anger, betrayal, shame and confusion.

"Look Deuce… I really don't want to go digging through your head… but I will if I have to. So lets just make it easier on both of us, and tell me what's going on, alright?" Dean finally lifted his head and looked at Caleb.

"Dad told me I had to watch out for Sam…" Caleb frowned in confusion.

"And? You practically raised that kid, nothing new there."

"No… he said I had to watch out for him… and that if I couldn't save him… I'd have to… deal with him."

"What?" Caleb couldn't believe what he was hearing, John was a hard ass, and he could be down right cold to his sons at times, but this was insane.

"He told me I might have to kill my little brother Damien… and after what happened in Oregon I told Sammy what Dad said, and that's why he took off…" Caleb nodded, that made sense.

"So he is pissed?" Dean frowned and shook his head.

"He was… but I don't know what he is now, he has kinda shut down on me. Won't even talk to me."

"Where is he now?"

"Motel… cleaning the guns, told me he needed to be alone for awhile." Caleb looked at the clock, it was after midnight, and his psychic link to Sam made it seem that Sam was more confused and in despair then angry or numb.

"Well, I think he has had enough alone time." Caleb stood from the table and threw down some bills to pay for their drinks, and waved at Dean to follow him out. Dean sighed and followed his Caleb out to his Dad's truck, and suddenly Dean was regretting leaving the Impala in the motel parking lot. Caleb knew Dean didn't want to be in John's truck, but said nothing as they made their way back to the motel. He had enough Winchester brooding to deal with at the moment without having to deal with the older Winchester. He would save that for another day.

Sam didn't look up when Dean and Caleb came into the hotel room, he didn't have to. Sam had known they were coming from a mile away; his psychic link was starting to get stronger so he had time to prepare himself to block out the lecture he was about to get from his brother and oldest friend.

"How's it going Sammy?" Dean asked. Sam shrugged and took a drink of whiskey before going back to work on the shotgun he was holding.

"It's going." Sam answered before flicking his eyes up to Caleb. "What are you doing here?" Caleb shrugged and sat down across from Sam grabbing the whiskey bottle.

"Just checking on my favourite wanted felons." Sam snorted.

"You spend a lot of time with fugitives?" Sam reached for the whiskey bottle, and Caleb slid it a little farther out of his reach. "I was drinking that you know."

"You've had enough." Dean said from beside his brother. Sam quirked an eyebrow at him and laughed under his breath.

"Since when do you give a shit if I get drunk? You two were always telling me I needed to loosen up. Or is this just another of your sad bully the youngest brother games you loved to play when we were kids?"

"Loosen up yes, drink cause you are pissed off? Hell no." Caleb said. Sam sighed and put down the gun he was holding.

"I'm not pissed off."

"Right, you are just brooding in a dark room filled with shotguns and alcohol." Sam laughed.

"And you two call me dramatic."

"Don't fucking start your bullshit Sammy." Dean said. Sam quirked an eyebrow at his brother.

"My bullshit? What do you want from me Dean?"

"I just want to know what is going on in your head!" Sam scoffed.

"So what? You two want to have a group therapy session? Maybe hold hands, while you tell me stories about how great my father was? How he was this amazing hunter, who hunted monsters for his dead wife, because he loved his family more then anything." Dean flinched backwards, and then his stony mask was back in place.

"Back it down Sam…" Dean ground out in a deep voice. Caleb stood off to the side; feeling like fire was being thrown from both sides of the room. Sam sighed.

"Fuck Dean… My father wanted me dead. How do I put that, with the same man who you claim used to play football with you?" Dean sighed and sat across from his brother.

"He asked me to save you." Sam rubbed his hands against his tired eyes.

"If he actually believed that I could be saved, he wouldn't have given you another option. John Winchester didn't give options, he excepted whatever he requested and that was that.

"You didn't used to be such a pessimist kiddo." Caleb said.

"I didn't used to be a lot of things. But the one thing I always thought I was was a Winchester. I always thought that I was safe among hunters. Now I know that isn't true."

"That didn't stop you from leaving." Dean said.

"I always come back Dean. It's the only thing I've ever known."

"Then why do you doubt that we will keep you safe?" Caleb asked curiously. Sam looked up, and through his drunken haze, he told the dark truth that had been eating at him since him and Dean and stopped on the side of the road.

"Because, the two people who I trust the most in this world, are John Winchester's perfect son, and his God damn prodigy. The only thing I trust in more over knowing that you two will keep me safe, is the knowledge that you both do exactly as Dad asked. His word trumps all doesn't it?" Sam and Caleb jumped as Dean flew from his chair, and put his fist through the wall.

"You actually believe that don't you? You stupid fucking child! You are all I have left; you really believe I am going to let anyone tell me to put a bullet in your head? Fuck you Sam! And fuck Dad for making you believe that."

Look Sam… nobody is killing anyone, I am not letting this family get any smaller. Just please, believe that." Sam nodded.

"Okay… I just don't want to be evil… I don't want to be what everyone is telling me I am going to become." Dean walked back over and met his brother's eyes.

"We fight evil everyday little brother… we've seen it, and we've lost people to it. You are not evil, you don't have it in your bones."

"Okay Dean…"

"Alright, now lets sleep off the whiskey, and get the hell out of here tomorrow morning. We have a world to save." Dean smiled up at Caleb.

"Now that I can get on board with."


End file.
